Log in

No account? Create an account

Are you guys still here?

Wow who's still reading this?

Hi i dzien dobry

Bruised Heel, I remember that guy! He was such a long time ago and how life changes.

Bruised Heel, pamiętam, dawno temu prawda, to jest życia

Since we last spoke I married a Polish girl and learned to speak her language, not fluently but I'm pretty good.

Teraz mówię troche po polsku, ale słaby

Hope you are all ok

Mam na dzieje że wszystko dobrze jest u was
What one reviewer had to say

Pathological narcissism is a pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and obsession with one's (False) Self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition. The concepts of False Self and Narcissistic Supply are critical for the understanding of narcissistic behaviour patterns. So is the ruthlessness and single-mindedness of the narcissist, addicted to his narcissistic supply, devoid of empathy,

I think this is what is wrong with me :(

Been doing a little research and a self-diagnosis leads me to this. I've copied this straight from the Wikipedia site

Emotional detachment, in psychology, can mean two different things. In the first meaning, it refers to an inability to connect with others on an emotional level, as well as a means of coping with anxiety by avoiding certain situations that trigger it; it is often described as "emotional numbing" or dissociation. In the second sense, it is a type of mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and psychic integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons.

First sense: inability to connect
Emotional detachment in the first sense above often arises from psychological trauma and is a component in many anxiety and stress disorders. The person, while physically present, moves elsewhere in the mind, and in a sense is "not entirely present", making them sometimes be seen as preoccupied or distracted. In other cases, the person may seem fully present but operate merely intellectually when emotional connection would be appropriate. This may present as extreme difficulty in giving (or receiving) empathy, and can be related to the spectrum of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. [Johnson, Stephen M. Humanizing the Narcissistic Style. NY: Norton and Co., 1987, p. 125. ISBN 0-393-70037-2]

Thus, such detachment is often not as outwardly obvious as other psychiatric symptoms; people with this problem often have emotional systems that are in overdrive. They have a hard time being a loving family member. They avoid activities, places, and people associated with any traumatic events they have experienced. The dissociation can also lead to lack of attention, and hence to memory problems, and in extreme cases, amnesia.

A fictional description of the experience of emotional detachment in the first sense was given by Virginia Woolf in Mrs Dalloway. In that novel the multi facted sufferings of a war veteran, Septimus Warren Smith with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( as this condition was later named) , including dissociation are elaborated in detail. One clinician has called some passages from the novel "classic" portrayals of the symptoms: Herman, Judith Lewis M.D.Trauma and Recovery Basic Books New York, NY. 1992 pp49 and 52.

Second sense: mental assertiveness
Emotional detachment in the second sense above is a positive and deliberate mental attitude which avoids engaging the emotions of others. It is often applied to relatives and associates of people who are in some way emotionally overly demanding. A simple example might be a person who trains themselves to ignore the "pleading" food requests of a dieting spouse. A more widespread example could be the indifference parents develop towards their children's begging.

This detachment does not mean avoiding the feeling of empathy; it is actually more of an awareness of empathetic feelings that allows the person space needed to rationally choose whether or not to engage or be overwhelmed by such feelings.
I refer you to these journal entries, all I can say is that things did not go as expected.


No-one is going to force us to become 'one'!!!
cześć jak się masz? Uczę się polskiego. Miło znowu cię widzieć. Nikt może mówić po polsku?
Miłego dnia, do widzenia.
Yesterday I was down at the Post Office to mail a book and pay electric bill, the woman serving me said hello and commented that I had not been in in a while and then she pointed out that I now have a few more gray hairs. Thanks a lot lady!!

"Before gray hair you should rise up, and you must show consideration for the person of an old man", Leviticus 19:32
Today whilst out delivering the mail I was almost knocked over by an elderly person riding on the pavement in their electric scooter/car. I was just about to shake my fist at her as she sped off up the street when I realized it was my gran off to visit my mother, I let her off. They should really have driving tests for those things.

And in other news, The Rifles are my new favorite band, go check them out

Rob's story part 4

For any of you who read those two rather confusing journal entries of mine, well one was a voice post, and if you understood them, let's just say all is not well and not everyone played ball..Now to carry on with Rob's story. If you remember I was sat talking with a psychiatrist and we left with her saying 'You've been scammed'....

Well how did I feel when she said this? I wanted to reach over the table and do evil to her, how could she doubt me? how could she doubt Sarah? how could she doubt Jane, my friend of the last year or so, the woman whose home I had sat in, the woman whose two children I had met. Okay so it did seem a little bizarre, I had a relationship with a girl who died whom I had never met, lots of people died around Jane, but still I lived through all this pain and now the damn shrink is telling me all that pain was for nothing, no way!!!!

I just wanted one person to believe me, one person not to laugh at me, one person to put their arm around me and tell me it was going to be alright, I wanted a shoulder to cry on, you made me feel so small that day and you made me so so angry, I came to you for help and what did you do? there was no consoling words you just came straight out with it, I had been scammed, you bitch.
I can't remember much more about that session, but it made me more determined to prove that Sarah really existed, all you people who laughed at me, I was going to prove you all wrong, and I knew what I was going to do next.